Crush Alert! Kim and Simon!

Happy New Years, all! Kim (right) giving his new crush, Simon (left, obviously. Are you slow?) a signed Clay Aiken (gay.) football. Simon later confided in me that he thought Kim was coming on to him a little too strongly. I can honestly say that I think Simon liked it, though.
-Auz:)

Mmmm...deer!

Dave, my ex-husband, came to the house right before we were to leave for our annnual digging expedition. He said he had a suprise for me...a late christmas gift. He then proceeded to pull this deer head from the shrubs in my front lawn. "Sorry its late," he said, "It took a bit longer than I expected to kill the little bastard. And the asshole was a bitch to cook. You might have to cook it again, though. Dunno if he cooked all the way through." He then shoved it into my arms and walked away, speeding off in his truck, which was a sky-blue Chevy, that he never let me drive.
_auz.


After Auz cut up the deer, she made sandwiches for our annual digging expedition. We picked up George on the way out. When we got to the digging spot we proceeded to force George to eat all the dirt he dug up from his early grave, in which we all helped dig. Then Fernando aka porno man showed up and started taking random photos for his pornos. We told him we would call the cops if he would not give us the camera. He insisted there were to many XXX photos for our young eyes to see. "I'm turning 9 next year," Janmeet shouted, "I gotta tattoo, see here, I'm old enough to do whatever the hell I wanna do you big fat loser. You still live in your mom's basement and you haven't got ass in three years." Needless to say he handed over the camera immediatly, embarassed and sobbing. We got the picures on the computer later and there was no evidence of any porn whatsoever. All there were were pictures of dogs, flags, and well...us. The sandwiches were delicious by the way. Leftovers are availible by request.
Molly

Look what George dragged in.

I woke up Christmas morning excidedly, looking forward to opening all the gifts under the tree. Little did I know that George had a surprise for me. Upon opening a round box, I discovered that George had shoved a little girl by the name of Sam into it. "I didn't have no money," he explained, "and i wanted to get you somethin' real nice. You can sell her, you know."
-Auz

When Janmeet showed up with Doris we didn't know she had a little surprise in for us. It turns out that George had taken her to the tattoo parlor with the money he stole from Doris's bag. Apparently George must have a few friends because the dude acutally tattooed the 8 year olds shoulder. She showed it to us excidedly wanting us to know how brave she was. George is in for a little treat soon, when we go our annual digging expedition. We are taking Janmeet to get the tattoo removed shortly.

Doris at the sight of Janmeet's tattoo.
-Molly

A Suprise Stranger

This man knocked on my door the day after Christmas, shortly after we kicked George out. He insisted on filming me for the new porno he was working on. He said his name Fernando. After asking him several times to leave, which he refused to do, Kim was forced to call the police, who showed up just minutes after Fernando fled.
-Auz

OOOHHHH George you little (insert whatever cuss you please here)

So George, leaving a few days ago, decided to trash our living room in a fit of rage because we didn't leave him enough pudding on christmas.
Molly

Christmas with George

Christmas is always a lovely time. The household (Me, Molly, my dog Toe, and my brother-in-law Kim) always goes to see KATZ! Live in DC, because its plays during this time of year. We always go see it on Christmas Eve. Its a grand time.

This year, we didn't go see it, because unfortunaly, about half an hour before we were supposed to leave, my homeless ex-brother-in-law George showed up at the house complaining about the cold.
We had to let him in, because he wouldn't leave the frount porch.
We ended up having to toss the tickets and skip the KATZ! Live musical for the first time in 9 years.
We didn't have much room left in the house, considering the fact that Doris and her ex-neice-in-law, Janmeet, (pictured in another post, with her fiance at dinner) were coming to stay the night that night as well, flying in all the way from Texas.
I gave him two choices. I offered him both the laundry room and Toe's doggie bed, which is a rather reasononable size. He chose the laundry room, thank god. I'm fairly certain he's afraid of Toe, because of an incident that took play a number of years ago, resulting in George fainting and then waking up with Toe's doggie turds all over him.
So George slept in the laundry room. He moved the dryer and washer together, which was a nuisence to get back apart, as I told him so myself.

Christmas was basically ruined, thanks to George.
I wanted to geth the message across that he was never to show his face aorund me again.
I only gave him leftovers, which he gobbled down.
I made Janmeet fake a story that he had tounched her innapropriatley, which all the neighbours found out about and were disgusted by. They brought over all sorts of delectables for Janmeet, including candy, flowers, and wine coolers. they shook their heads at George, which caused him to retreat into the Launry Room.

Kim even put hand sanitizer in Geroge's drinking water, which i told him was a little over the top. He just chuckled and continued to dump loads of it into George's glass.
George passed out for about 9 hours during the day, which was nice, not seeing him around and all. Another concequence for George was not letting his shower or use the toilet. When i told him this, he merely shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"thats alright. i'm used to it anyhow."
and proceeded to go outside to do his business in the woods.
"YOU BETTER GO IN THOSE WOODS!!"
I called after him, which cracked Kim up and even made Toe smile.
Auz

Charles, the brother-in-law.

Charles, my brother in law. I spotted him asleep like this on a bench one day out in Queens and snaaped this photo. I would of offered him a place to stay, but I didn't want to wake him. And, besides, he smelled like duck feces.
-Molly and Auz

Mark and Ben, now lovers.

Mark in his glory days, before he was diagnosed.



Marjorie, and her wife Stacy out on the 'farm'. (You can barely call it that nowadays, though, all it is is piles of horse shit and such.)


Ben Hughes, my former companion and official lovaaa. He now goes out with Mark, pictured above with a knife. We're very proud of Mark and his progress in the "adult video" business.
Molly and Auz

Kelly and Stephan are jealous of my body.

My new room!!!!!!



Congrats to Kelly and Stephan on their engagement!
Molly

Janmeet and others

Soon-to-be husband and wife dine out for lunch. Classy! (She paid.)





Janmeet gets tossed around a bit before being sent away.




He's fightin' it.


Molly

I love me some BABIES!

Bob falls asleep on the floor once again...taking after his father!
The only difference is that Bob isn't an alcholic! There's his brother, Micheal, in his crib.

Molly and Auz

"Aunt" Neal's surgery.

This is my aunt Neal before the surgery. Bye bye, Uncle Neal!
Neal, now known as Janet, had a surgery to reverse Her sex on Thursday. All is going well and She is recovering as expected. Keep Janet in your prayers. Thanks. (:

Molly & Auz

James at the Mall.

I met the cutest baby ever at the mall in line to see Santa last year. His name was James and he was beautful. He is adopted from Britain and is just the cutest thing you'll ever see. I kept in touch with him and was able to visit him during Halloween of this year. Here's a few pictures.

-Auz (: